S#!t my mom says #1.

Everyone has a shit my ____ says twitter feed, YouTube channel or TV show, so I thought I should, too.  For me, it’s the little pearls of wisdom offered by my mom that will stay with me the longest.  She was the one, afterall, who reminded me to ask my OB/GYN about birth control at my 6 week post-partum checkup.  Guess who didn't listen to Mom?  That's right. And little Freddie arrived 16 months after little Ginger and little Fred.  Sufficit to say, I learned my lesson and will always listen to Mom.  So here we go, Shit My Mom Says #1. 

“Don’t force a man to choose between his job and his family – he’ll choose his job.  Don’t force a woman to choose between her husband and her kids – she’ll choose her kids” - Mom

 Let’s take the first part first.  Very 1950s, I know.  Yes my mom worked my entire childhood but she was still, at heart, a 50s gal.  I was a young teenage when she shared this particular gem with me and I totally believed it (but only a few years earlier I still believed in Santa Clause, the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny so don’t trust my judgment on this one too much).   Looking at it today as a busy dancing scientist and mom, I want to reflexively reject the idea that Fred would pick his job over me and the kidlets.  I still don’t think he would.  But I do wonder if this truism is the root of the quiet sexism that persists in a few dank little corners of the workplace (like Science….). 

In the 50s, employers demanded that a man sacrifice his family to demonstrate his dedication to the job.  Hence heavy travel schedules, 80 hour weeks, etc in so many industries.  While many positive changes have been made (see moist breast pads for an example), the expectations for travel and long hours is still alive and well today in science.  I was recently turned down for a promotion and the committee cited as a reason my lack of an “international” reputation in my field.  The only way to get an international reputation is to travel internationally.  Not gonna happen with little Ginger, Fred, and Freddie at home.  But many of my male colleagues regularly go on trips that take them away from home for 2 weeks, no problem.  Despite so many improvements in the workplace, this tacit expectation that a professional sacrifice their family life to prove their dedication is a relic from the past that actively holds women back.

Now about that other part……Sorry, Fred.  I would still pick the kids ;-)  I guess some things don’t change.